Diary of a Crazed Bride-to-Be

Entry 1:

12 May 2015 

(9.5 months until Wedding Day)

I am freaking out. 

Why is it that no one but the bride seems to sense the urgency in planning a wedding? Sam (better known as Handsome Bearded Fellow on my blog,) proposed to me on Saturday 25th April, when I was least expecting it. I bet all brides say that, but I really mean it. The Friday before he popped the question he started being really weird. He was supposed to come over and house-sit with me but �fell ill� and couldn�t make it. He was also being incredibly distant. 

I was sure he was going to break up with me. He�d never acted so strange before! So me being the free-spirited, loose cannon that I am got recklessly drunk that Friday night - so drunk that I woke up the next morning in my mothers bathtub in a pool of my own puke (classy is obviously my middle name). Needless to say, I literally could not move on Saturday. 

When Sam finally came over it took him over ten minutes of knocking on my window pane to stir me from my sleep (this is now obviously after waking up reeking of vomit in the tub and shamefully dragging my ass to an actual bed). 

It turns out that Sam had planned this amazing hike for us that day where he was planning to propose, but after taking one look at me he realised that it wouldn�t happen. Instead, he got me Chinese take-away, season 6 of Californication and filled up my hot water bottle for me; putting me under a blanket on the sofa.

While watching the show and sipping on a vodka to try and cure my other-worldly hangover he started blubbering like an idiot, unable to string two words together - or maybe I just can�t remember what he was trying to say� whatever he said though, he then hauled out this little black box (THE little black box!) which instantly made me choke. 

Was this really happening!? Now?! Here?!

�No!� I breathed, refusing to look down at the box he�d now flipped open. 

�Yes!� he said shakily.

�No�� I repeated, tears forming as I stared right into his eyes in complete shock.

�Yes�� he whispered, holding the box higher up until I had to look.

I didn�t want to look. I was so scared! 

I think my next word may have been �Fuck!� as he removed the ring from the pristine white cushioning and slid it onto my finger. 

The truth is, I didn�t even care what it looked like. 

My biggest and most shallow fear since proposal came a tangible thing to me was that I�d hate the ring� I mean, it�s something you have to wear every day for the rest of your life! What if you hate it??? And there�s honestly no denying that I�m a fussy cow - but��� it wasn�t what the ring looked like that mattered! It was the symbolism of it. I only realised that right there and then.

It was beautiful though. So beautiful, in fact, that it completely broke my heart but made it whole at the very same time. A sort of wholeness I�d never quite felt before. 

Sam knew just what would suit me - what resembled who I am and what we are. The ring is just �us.� I�m overwhelmed by just how well he knows me - it�s better than I know myself. That is why he is my best friend. He knows me for all of my goodness and all of my shitiness - and he accepts it. He loves it! He loves me, with all of my faults and imperfections - God knows someone finally had to! And I love him. With all of his silliness and rebellion. With all of his stubbornness and clumsiness� he�s still my Sam. Adorable and heart-meltingly wonderful. 

After the white gold band was around my ring finger on my left hand, he demanded I get dressed and put some makeup on (I looked catastrophic� the fact that he proposed to me looking like that PROVES his love!! He�s said and and has my sister-in-law!). He wanted to take me out for champagne. 

Well, ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you that the best hangover cure EVER is definitely a proposal!

I pulled up a high-waisted black skirt, squeezed into a floral long-sleeved top that used to be a dress but has now depressingly become to small for me�. I plaited my hair, threw on a black jazz hat and off we went to my favourite bar. We popped champagne, toasted and celebrated. It was such a crazy whirlwind, it still all feels like a bit of a dream. 

Since then, chaos has broken out. 

Our first step was setting a date. When that was done we went out for oysters and wine while we worked on our guest list out in the last bit of Spring-ish sun. 

They were the fun bits - the bits that didn�t overwhelm�. but then Sam left for Malawi, leaving it all up to me. 

Sam said that I should be in charge of it all because it�s my day. I disagreed and told him, no, it�s our day and I really need his input. I know weddings are more feminine things but a guy must have some sort of an idea of little bits and bobs he�d like on his big day too, right??? I don�t want the day to just portray me and what I like. I want it to have chunks of us both as individuals, showing off our personalities as well as bits representing us as a couple. 

I feel it�s really important to plan the day together.

I know there�s little he can do while in Malawi so I�ve taken a bit of a head start. We only have 9.5 months to plan the most important day of our lives! I know I�m being a pedantic planner and over-bearing but so what? HOPEFULLY your wedding day only ever happens once (no offence to those of you who have re-married or who are planning to!), so I really just want it to be perfect. 

The reason I�m so hellbent on planning at least the major things for our wedding day right now is because in just one month we are leaving for Southeast Asia. That�s where I thought if anywhere, he�d propose. Like I said, huge surprise! 

Basically, I want to get a head start so that by the time it comes to us packing our bags for the Philippines and Bali next month, we can take a real break. 

To be honest I think everyone will be relieved when I�m half way across the world�..

I�ve assigned certain things to each month leading up to our wedding day. That way we�re more organised and not so overwhelmed with the crazily intense list of what really needs to be done for a wedding. 

Seriously� there is SO much to think of, I can hardly believe it!!!

So this is my list (so far):

• April:
             Get used to the idea of being engaged.
             Compile Guest List.
             Choose Groomsmen.
             Choose Bridesmaids.
             Choose Best Man.
             Choose Maid of Honour(s)
             Choose Ring Bearer.

• May: 

                     Wedding Venue Month.

                      Research Florists.

                      Research Photographers. 

                      Research Caterers.

                      Research Cake Maker.

                      Assign Master of Ceremony. 

• June: 

                     Wedding Dress Month. 

                      Research Ministers.

                      Research Bands.

                      Research Vintage Car Companies.

• July: 

                     Break.

• August: 

                    Create Invitations.

                    Bridesmaids Dresses.

                    Waist Coats for Men.

                    Save the Date Cards.

                    Begin Makeup Trials.

                    Begin Hair Trials.

                    Decorations!!!

• September:

                   Book Florist.

                   Book Cake.

                   Book Makeup.

                   Book Hair.

                   Dress Fittings.

                   Wedding Shoes.

                   Send Invitations.

                   Decorations!!!

• October:

                   Music Playlist. 

                   Thank You Gifts.

                   List of People Giving Toasts (let them know).

                   Wedding Lingerie.

                   Decorations!!!

• November:

                  Printing of Name Cards and Menu�s. 

                  Assign Seating.

                  Decorations!!!

• December:

                  Marriage License.

                  Bridesmaids / Groomsmen Gifts. 

                  Mother-in-Law Gifts.

                  Make Ring-Bearer Shirt.
                  Decorations!!!

• January:

                  Enter R.S.V.P�s to Final Guest List (Contact people who haven�t responded yet).

                  Last Dress Fitting.

                  Hair Appointment.

                  Start Stocking Bar.
                  Decorations!!!

• February:

                  Bachelorette�s / Bachelors.

                  Spa Day.

                  Get Married!

Is there anything missing!? If you can think of anything please let me know.

The reason that May is so jam-packed is because I wanted to be able to set a budget and as someone that has literally NO idea what weddings cost, I needed to request quotes and price lists beforehand to get an idea on what people actually charge. 

So far, May has been MANIC. Not just with wedding stuff either.

Firstly, I get my journalism degree this month and my pathetic online college that offers the worst service in the world takes 6 months to respond to one email (I�m actually not joking). If that isn�t stress enough, I�m also preparing for my travels overseas next month and this morning I had an email saying my accommodation was unexpectedly cancelled in the Philippines. 

As a 24 year old traveling alone to a brand new country, all I want it to feel some form of safety and security so this obviously brought on panic attacks already. Not to mention it�s typhoon season in Southeast Asia right now!!! 

I organised this trip months ago so that I didn�t have to worry about it right now - but it�s all going pear-shaped!

Furthermore, it�s my birthday this Friday and I�m being mucked around with my schedule, I�m trying to plan as many dress appointments as possible during my ONE DAY in the city at the end of this month and I�ve started to get photography and venue quotes which is scaring the living daylights out of me! I never knew weddings were this expensive! 

It just feels like everything is hitting me all at once and this break to Bali couldn�t come soon enough. Now I finally understand what a honeymoon is for� it�s not to make a baby! It�s to unwind from the months of planning one day that�s over before you know it! Phew!!!

One of the most important things I�ve recently learned is to decide on a venue. This will help all further quotations from photographers, videographers, makeup artists, caterers, florists and more.

So before Sam left we went to view one venue which was beautiful. It was in a forest and very bohemian just like we want - but as perfect as the reception area is, the forest can only seat 40 people. Everyone on our guest list is there for a reason and I don�t want to cut one single person out if possible - so we�re continuing to look.

I�ve booked four more forest venues for us to scope out when he gets back from Malawi and already I�ve been to one wedding dress shop where I tried on two of the most vile dresses I think I have ever seen.

I live in a tiny town so there really isn�t much here - that�s why I�ve made appointments in the city for the end of the month. I have three dress appointments at very high end designer stores and here�s a little secret: I have already fallen in love with a dress�. the problem is that it�s 3 times my salary�. Like I said, weddings are expensive.

I haven�t even gotten to telling you about the cake quotes and my hunt for forest wedding decor like moss for the tables etc. 

I really do seem like a crazed bride-to-be and I guess I kind of am. I�ve already got a folder exploding with quotes and pictures and ideas� I think Sam�s going to get quite a shock when he gets back into the country�

But I really do need his help and other people�s help too for that matter - I mean, I had NO idea you need to tell the minister what you want. I thought that you�d interview a couple of them and they�d tell you want they offer and you�d basically pick and choose. 

How naive am I??? 

When I�ve attended weddings in the past I never really paid attention to what the minister was saying� I was always more interested in the food and booze - sad but true.

So I guess that�s the first place to go from here - quotes and words that we�d like the minister to say� stuff that represents us as a couple and as individuals.

Right now all I know is that I want it to be unique and quirky. 

I want the ceremony to be completely different from what people have seen and heard before. I want it to be something that makes them go, �Wow!� and laugh and be enraptured with� I don�t want it to just be your average, typical wedding.

I want it to portray who Sam and I are - so choosing quotes that symbolise us seems like a good place to go from here - I mean this is what I know we want so far:

• Theme: Bohemian
  
• Venue: Forest
  
• Music: Bongo Drums / Didgeridoo�s
  
• Car: VW Campervan
  
• Color scheme: Mint Green
  
• Cake: Macaron Tower

And what we still need? Well, that seems to be a never ending list�

People say that when it finally gets to your big day, no matter how much you�ve planned it, it will all come together perfectly because you�re spending it with your loved ones and you�re marrying the love of your life. I get that, but I still can�t help but want to try and make it a day that no one will ever forget.

I�ll check in with you soon. 

All my love,

Crazed Bride-to-Be